Joey Greco Looks Like… (Joel S. Greco Edition)

It’s been some time since the Dear Matt Damon staff has gathered at Dear Matt Damon HQ for some well-meaning hilarity, so with the intention of keeping this blog afloat, we decided to unroll an easy favorite; get the blood flowing; get back in the saddle; clean our plates; cleanse our palates; avoid paying gigs; embarrass our loved ones; continue to set the human race back a generation or two.

Back before Joey Greco was the host of Cheaters and got stabbed, he was Joel S. Greco, an “instructor” on a hip-hop-themed ESPN workout show called Fitness Pros.

Joel S. Greco looks like…

…the tour manager for Nu Shooz.

…his résumé includes the words: “Works that bulge” and “gallop”

…Christian Bale in The Fighter. Not at the end of the movie, more like right in the middle, when shit’s getting bleak.

…that’s his real signature.

…the inventor of Kegels…if Kegels was called Grecos, or something. It doesn’t matter, that’s what he tells everyone.

…that hat is promotional swag for 3 Ninjas Kick Back.

…someone’s least favorite cousin.

…he made those tank-tops out of cut-up polo shirts. Those are the only two tank-tops he owns.

…True Life: I Have Calf Implants.

…he hates water bottles.

…he’s just warming up.

…he’s the next Dr. Who everyone will despise.

…he was Dane Cook’s warm-up comic.

…his first ESPN check went completely to electrolysis.

…the Playstation Network went out because he existed.

…Jordan Knight’s side bitch.

…he got Adrien Brody into weightlifting.

…a Wham! song sounds.

…an unsung member of the Funky Bunch (a.k.a. JJ Joelly Smok-a-bowly).

…Go-Gurt tastes.

…a human being who uses the phrase “she had it coming.”

…a secret white supremacist.

…Dave Grohl’s neck.

…he’s definitely jammin’, but not quite funky fresh.

…he wears foundation even when he sleeps.

…the future Four Square Mayor of at least two Cheetah Gyms.

…life doesn’t get much better than Pauly Shore’s in Son In Law.

…whoever gave Joey Buttafuoco all his life advice.

…he likes piña coladas.

…his favorite movie and fragrance are both called “Cutthroat Island.”

…that third guy from BBMak.

…that’s actually just all water weight.

…he doesn’t think the day will ever come “when midgets” aren’t “always funny.”

…he’ll one day get stabbed.

…this, forever:

“I like the part where he plays sax.”